Celebration Sunday

Our church did something new today.

To be honest, I'm not sure what the motivation behind it was. What I am positively certain of is that it was incredibly moving, freeing. I rarely cry in public. I did today. And I wasn't the only one. Sniffles and Kleenex were plentiful throughout the sanctuary. It would have been a good day to have a box at the end of each pew. The presence of the Holy Spirit was overwhelming.

Last Sunday an invitation was made to bring something that you do or something that symbolizes something you do that you want to dedicate to God. Something you want to give to him, something you already do that you want to offer as a form of worship. A symbol to lay at the foot of the cross.

Before the final words crossed the announcer's lips, I knew what I had to bring. 

I anticipated this all week. This morning arrived and I had my offering ready to go. I didn't know how the morning would go, but I was ready. 

Worship began as normal and then the plan was explained. We were invited to worship in a variety of ways. God the ultimate creator and artist inspired and worshiped through painting, singing, dancing, praying, giving. People wrote out offerings and burdens and nailed them to the cross, right where they belong. Two baptisms had been planned, seven took place. People who had been feeling God's gentle nudge took the plunge. Literally. And without having brought a change of clothes. It. was. amazing.

I've thought a lot about time recently. I do a lot of things, most of them intentionally for God's purposes. I am very much a planner, God wired me that way, it's no surprise to him. But if we plan every minute of every day, we leave God no room to lead. I want him to lead me. I need him to lead me. 

After the baptisms were over, we sang more praises. Extravagant, moving, tear-filled praises that at times I could only listen to because I was overcome by emotion. My favorite songs lead by incredibly gifted musicians. It was then that I finally mustered up the courage to walk to the front and not just lay my offering at the foot of the cross, but nail my offering to it.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand." ~ Psalm 37:23, 24

What Progress Looks Like

I've often wondered what progress looks like.

I've come to the conclusion that the answer depends entirely on the task at hand... and perhaps one's personality.

I am a perfectionist. There, I said it (and posted it for all the Internet to see!). While I have learned to ease off on some things (I no longer expect my children to sort their toys into small individual bins. Instead I am happy if they all hit the same bin and are not spread out all over the floor. But that only took a week or two and happened when they were toddlers!), I am still learning when it comes to others.

Perfectionism can be paralyzing. There are times when, if I can't do it all and if I can't do it the way I envision it, I hesitate to even begin. Other times, I don't allow myself time to do things I enjoy because there I things I "need" to do. (We all know that housework never ends.) Anal? Compulsive? Neurotic? If you were to call me any of those, it wouldn't be the first time I'd heard them.

So... what if: I can't lose 5, 10, 20 pounds overnight? ... the stitching is off by 1/16 of an inch? ... my floors look a little dusty when the sun hits them or there are splatters on the bathroom mirror? ... I think of better wording after hitting "Publish"? What if things aren't just the way I'd like them?

Have I made progress if the task isn't completed perfectly? Have I made progress if I stepped up to give the child the argument she was looking for but then apologized for not keeping my cool (read: being the adult) and asked for her forgiveness? Has my husband made progress if the kitchen is only half-tiled?

YES!

So I'd like to share what progress looks like in our house today:

Letters in the name that are spaced further apart than I'd like them. (I did not do the logo, just the name.)

Half an hour on the treadmill - while downloading running apps!

30 minutes of sewing on a project that has been in progress for 9 months.

Reading the right books - and keeping up with friends both near and far.

A half-tiled kitchen!! (Hopefully the wall to the right will be complete tomorrow!)

A great little tool.

Yes, I used the timer method again today. I'm really quite enjoying the fact that if I achieve 30 minutes of focused work on a task then I have accomplished it! (As opposed to not feeling that I've achieved anything because the project may not be complete.)

Progress also looks like a mother and daughter in a tear-filled embrace, because the mother has just asked forgiveness for not keeping her cool... but I'll leave that picture to your capable imaginations.

Perfection is a myth. There is not a single perfect person here on earth. I think I'll choose to be happy with progress from now on.

Practice Makes Perfect?

It's easy to go through my day with blinders on, not looking for things to be thankful for.

 New habits take time to create. Three months, some say. I'm on day eight. I'm still working on improving my "stinkin' thinkin'" (negative, untrue thoughts), still learning to look for gifts to be thankful for, even in the mundane. Thanks to the accountability I created for myself when I started this blog, I've had at least a couple new items every day. I'm thankful for that, because without it, it would be VERY easy to just go through the motions of life. Even finding one or two new items to count as blessings each day is progress. Big change doesn't happen over night, right?

So today I choose to be thankful for my progress, thankful for the accountability that keeps me working toward my goal. It's not that there haven't been many great gifts today (squealing baby laughs in the nursery at church this morning, a great visit with a mom who stayed with her child who would not be left, and a fabulous afternoon at a hay ride and wiener roast with the girls), it's just that I haven't been feeling especially joyful the past couple of days... and tonight in my reading I found the answer.

"While I may not always feel joy, God asks me to give thanks in all things, because He knows that the feeling of joy begins in the action of thanksgiving." Ann Voskamp, One Thousand Gifts

I hadn't been thanking God for those gifts as I received them. The good news is that it's never too late to thank God for His gifts. As I sit here tonight contemplating my day, my progress, and giving thanks for all these things and more, I can literally feel my attitude and mood shifting. Nobody ever said it would be easy, but it really is that simple.

The Voices In My Head

Already I am struggling with this blog.

Who knew it would be so difficult to find my own voice? Last night I had many thoughts rolling around in my head to go with my picture. Three different blog posts, all deleted. I was trying too hard. Not one was my voice. The man I love gently reminded.

"Who are you writing this for?"

Right. I am writing this for myself. I am not writing this to impress other people. If I'm being honest, though, there's a part of me that would be gratified if someone - anyone - was inspired by something I said... but that is not the purpose of this. My intention is to grow personally.

I started to pray, "Lord, what do YOU want me to say? What is it that you want me to learn today?" And then these thoughts came. Write about this. Write about your challenges. The purpose of this blog, after all, is to share my lessons, my journey, and I have always expressed myself best through writing.

So what am I learning today? How to find my own voice. It's shocking, really, to hear all the different voices in my head. (Yes, there are many. Yes, I heard that. No, I'm not insane.) Those voices are all there for a purpose. Good, bad or indifferent, they help shape who I am. But my purpose is to be me, and I don't sound exactly like them.

I know who I am, my identity is not in question. But what do I sound like? My intention is to be open, real, honest. Maybe even raw. I am thankful for my struggles because they mean I am learning, growing, becoming.

This is my journey. This is my voice.