My blog has felt somewhat lackluster to me lately and I don't like it. So when I stumbled across Allume's website and blog I was excited. I found it just in time to join this challenge. Coincidence? I don't believe in coincidence.
This will indeed be a challenge for me, but I'm willing and ready so here we go!
Today's Challenge: Write five nondescript sentences. Look at them again and re-write them to show not tell what was happening. Go over them again and pump them full of interesting and descriptive words to really drive your point home!
I invite your gentle feedback. I want to hear what you have to say, but go easy. I'm a tender soul.
Original:
1. I am thankful that spring is near.
2. I don't have much planned today.
3. I want to grow as a writer.
4. My dog is sleeping on the floor.
5. I have a dramatic child.
Redone:
1. As I sip my coffee from the comfort of my recliner, the sight of a clear blue sky, melting snow, an earlier sunrise, and songbirds in the trees fills my soul with joy.
2. My wide-open schedule allows me the freedom to fully commit my time to God today.
3. While I've always expressed myself best through writing, I do not claim to write well and desire to improve.
4. From the floor by my feet I see the indicative twitching and hear the stifled barks. He's chasing deer in his dreams.
5. "Is she okay?!" inquired the concerned passer-by who had stopped on our country road, turned off his music and rolled his windows down after hearing the wails of a child whose sister hadn't agreed with her plan.
Pump Up:
1. As the aroma of freshly ground beans fills the air and steam rises from my favorite mug, I am filled with joy a little earlier each morning as I behold the beauty of a clear blue sky, melting snow and songbirds flitting in the branches against the backdrop of a beautiful sunrise.
2. A quick glance at my abnormally blank calendar page told me all I needed to know. Considering a variety of potential options, I chose to commit it all to the glory of my Creator.
3. Reflecting on my writing, I quickly realized my desire to improve on content, style and skill.
4. I see the twitching and hear the muffled barks. The curled up tail-wagging bundle of love is chasing deer in his dreams.
5. Upon hearing the blood-curdling screams and seeing the child lying prone on the trampoline, he skidded to a halt, turned off his radio and rolled down his windows. "Is she okay?!" he yelled across the farmyard. "She's just mad," the sister replied, and he drove away shaking his head.
Great job Melanie! Love #2 and #5 is so descriptive that I felt like I was there! Found you on the FB group.
ReplyDeleteThanks C.C.! I'm looking forward to the growth that will come as a result of this group. Returned the comment love on your blog.
DeleteI always know I've found a really special writer when I pause in the middle of their post to go subscribe. You are such a writer! Looking forward to getting to know you!
ReplyDeleteThanks Beth. I'm looking forward to getting to know you too - and to the adventures the rest of this month will bring!
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